Taking Offense?
Tuesday, March 27, 2007 at 07:25AM Have you ever been in one of those situations in which you were going along, cheerful and happy and enthusiastic and excited about a project and all of a sudden, WHAM!! You get a phone call, or in my case, an email, that says, "You've offended me." Oh, not in so many words but, nevertheless, the message is clear. Your actions have been invested with motivations and intentions that you never in your wildest dreams imagined, but there you are. Someone has been offended, someone has been hurt.
This happened to me recently and it was devastating. Someone dear to me had been offended. And to tell the truth, as I read the email, I became offended myself. How in the world could she think that? Doesn't she know me well enough after all these years to know that that is not how I think, nor how I operate? How quickly I went from, "oh, no!" to "why me?" That's the way it is with a strong offense. We so often respond with a strong defense. But relationships are not football games and I knew I had to deal with this.
I was still reeling from the email when I came across this post at Lisa Writes. Her post gave me courage to do the right thing. I apologized to the offended person and did my best to smooth things over and begin again. I wish I could say that it was received in the spirit it was given. It was not. My words of apology and reconciliation came back to me in a form I did not recognize, twisted again.
Lisa republished her post this morning and it spoke to me, yet again. I realized that I hadn't done enough. It's not enough to do the right thing and then if it doesn't work, to go into defensive mode. No, the offenses may have morphed, but that doesn't give me the right to go into defensive mode.
If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. Romans 12:18
If it is possible. . .presumes it may not be possible. I don't know. Paul doesn't address the "other" person in this passage.
. . . as much as depends on you. . .I know now that I haven't done "as much as depends upon me."
. . .live peaceably with all men. I'm painfully aware that the subject of that sentence is still "you"--meaning me and not the other person. I'm also painfully aware that this is an imperative sentence. A command.
I must do as much as depends on me to live at peace with this person I dearly love.
Reader Comments (9)
These are the situations that really test my faith. I have to remind myself that this faith in Christ that we live is all about forgiveness and reconciliation. It started for us that way and we need to continue practicing the same thing that was offered to us even though we didn't deserve it. Hard lessons, good lessons. Thanks for sharing. May God give you peace in your relationships!
Wow, Kim. What a great perspective...something for me to think about today. I'm sorry this happened to you, but thank you for using it to help others. XO
I'm praying for a good resolution to this, Kim.
Hugs.
Great post, Kim. I, too, hope this can be resolved peaceably.
Kim, you are in my prayers and so is the other person. Thanks for sharing your heart with us. We have all been in this position at one point in time and it hurts, but we learn something from them. Leave it at the foot of the cross and Christ will bear your burden. Do not pick it up again, words of warning ... I made that mistake. Time heals.
Well written, Kim. I find myself in a similar position where the lack (imagine that) of my words has caused an offense. Reading Lisa's post has also been convicting to me to take the next step and offer soft words to turn away wrath. I'll be praying for you as well.
Thank you for writing this and showing a godly example of peacemaking and humility.
It is unsettling, isn't it, to know your offense was entirely inadvertent? Your humility in approaching your friend is as Rosemary said, a godly example of peacemaking and humility.
And by the way, love the "coffee with cream" background!
Blessings to you, friend!
Oh, Kim. . . How hard. . . I've been in an ongoing situation myself over the past several months with some women I know and care for and respect. And as it has played out, there has been a parting of ways. It has been heartbreaking. I look back and see that I could have handled things differently, better. And yet, at the same time, I did the best I could at the moment and really do have a clear conscience before the Lord. Still, it hurts to have those relationships disrupted and not see the healing and restoration I kept hoping for, believing God would bring. Do I still trust the Lord? Yes. . . I know He can still bring healing and restoration. But I no longer have quite as much. . . faith. . . in my perception of relationships and how strong I think they are. Still, I don't know whether there is a need to revisit the problems of the past, or just let go, move on. . .